My husband

Hello dear reader.

Earlier this week I published a post called Finished. In it, I spoke briefly about my husband and said I would tell you more about him in another post. Well here’s that post 😊.

I want to start this story at the beginning, so it may take more than one post. We’ll see how it goes. Ready for an awesome love story? Here we go.

I met Tim very soon after moving to Colorado when I went to the ‘wrong’ church. I fell in love with St. George’s the first time I went there. All my life I’ve heard churches preach about feeding the poor, and helping people who needed help. St. George’s doesn’t preach it, they do it. I wanted to be a part of that. Anyway, I’m getting off on a tangent here. I’ll do a post about St. George’s another time.

Anyway, Tim and I both smoked cigarettes and after services we’d both be outside smoking. We spent a lot of time talking about a lot of things and developed a good friendship. Tim was 9 months sober at that time after struggling with alcoholism for most of his life. We talked about that a lot and I tried to encourage him in his sobriety.

I have to be honest with you. That’s a promise I made when I started this blog. Truthfully, I was very attracted to Tim the first time I saw him. But because I was married, I never acted on it. Tim also respected the fact I was married and never even flirted with me.

My marriage was on life support and I was trying very hard to save it. I was severely depressed and Tim made me laugh. I never talked to Tim about how bad my marriage was. I’ve always thought talking to someone of the opposite sex about problems in your marriage is a recipe for disaster. It never turns out good.

So Tim and I spent two years talking outside the church and getting to know each other, both of us knowing we weren’t going to be anything besides friends. I helped him with some things he was having trouble doing on the computer. He came to my house and cut up a bunch of wood (I paid him). The main source of heat in that house was the wood stove, so I was cutting up enough for each day myself with a bow saw. I was very thankful for the help.

We both got elected to the vestry at St. George’s the same year. I ended up having to go to Ohio for my first brain surgery. I was gone for three months. When I got back I was very excited to begin my work on the vestry. The day of the first meeting after I got back, the alternator in my car went out. I was so disappointed! Tim called to remind me about the meeting and make sure I was going. I had to tell him I couldn’t go because of my car. I lived about a half hour’s drive from the church and it was dumping snow, so I couldn’t walk there. Tim said he’d come get me because he knew how badly I wanted to go. He took me to the meeting and brought me straight home when it was over. Again, we never even flirted.

Two years after moving to Colorado, I finally pulled the plug on my marriage. Tim and I started dating shortly after. Everyone kept saying, “It’s about time you two got together!” They talked about seeing sparks between us.

Wow! This post got long fast! I’ll pick up where I left off tomorrow.

Until next time…

News

Hello dear reader.

I got my biopsy results yesterday. The pollups they found were pre- cancerous. Since they’ve been removed, I’m fine. I have to have another colonoscopy in five years.

Honestly, I’m not sure which is the better news; that I have nothing to worry about or that I don’t have to do another colonoscopy for five whole years! Either way, things are good.

On another note, I started a novel several years ago called The Gatherer. I wrote about 50 pages of it and then reached a point where I got stuck. I had no idea where the story should go from there. So I put it away. Over the years I’ve pulled it out and thought about different ways to get it going again. Life would get busy and I’d put it away again. Lately the story’s been in my head a lot. I realized life will always get busy and I will always have too many things to do. I decided if I really wanted to do anything with my story I was going to have to make it a priority. So that’s what I’m doing. I pulled it out yesterday and worked on character bios and an outline. I put the first chapter through an editing program, then onto this program called Novel. It’s like Scrivener, but much simpler to use. I also put my bios on there and part of the outline.

While I’m working on finishing my novel, I’m also going to write some short stories to put into writing contests and submit to magazines. I’ll have a much better chance of a publisher accepting the novel if I’ve already had short stories published.

This is where you, dear reader, come in. I’m looking for short story ideas. There are many sites with story prompts, but I want to know what you think I should write. Why? Because you know me and you know how I write. So I think you’ll have more personalized ideas than a random story prompt. I’ll make you a deal. If you give me an idea I use, I’ll dedicate the story to you.

So I’m giving you good news and asking for your help all in the same blog 😮.

What do you think? What kind of short stories should I write? Leave your ideas in the comments section below. I’ll really appreciate it!

Until next time…

Finished 😊

Hello dear reader.

After doing two days of prep (which means three days of not eating) I finally got the colonoscopy done yesterday. I am so thankful that is finally over! They found a few pollups and sent them to be biopsied. I’ll get the results sometime next week.

On to more interesting subjects… It’s a Rocky Mountain spring day.

We can look forward to more snow today. Maybe this is the last time, maybe not. The snow was very late starting this year, so it may stop late too. There are a lot of people who think I’m crazy for living in a place where it’s still snowing at the end of April, but I love it. In July and August, when people are dealing with triple-digit temps along with humidity, it’s in the 70’s here (occasionally it hits 80, but it’s rare) with very little humidity. The same people that call me crazy this time of year are jealous in the summer.

To celebrate the end of the prep ordeal, Tim’s taking me out for brunch today 😁. It never ceases to amaze me how much I enjoy spending time with him. We always have a good time no matter what we’re doing. He makes me laugh every day. I’m an extremely fortunate woman and I don’t take that for granted.

Before I start babbling about my amazing husband (that’ll be a post for another day) I’m going to get in the shower and try to look my best for a day with him.

I hope you have a wonderful day 🤗

Until next time…

The Other Woman by Sandi Jones

Wow! This book was full of twists and turns.
Emily has found the One. He’s sweet and sexy. When Adam proposes, she knows that all her dreams are coming true. The only problem in her fairy tale life is his mother. Emily doesn’t know what Pammie’s problem with her is or why she’s pulling out all the stops to get rid of her. All she knows is that she’s not going to let Pammie get in the way of her happiness with Adam no matter how hard she tries. Pammie has no idea who she’s up against. Or does she?
I truly enjoyed this book. Everytime I thought I had it figured out I discovered I was wrong. It’s a page turner with an ending that will leave you stunned.

I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

The Cleanse

Hello dear reader.

It’s 2:00 in the morning and I’m doing the prep for the colonoscopy I’m having on Friday. Since the last one failed, I have to do it for two days this time. I didn’t even get a cute little prep kit this time. What’s a prep kit? Check out the post called Prep from a few weeks ago. It even has pictures! 😉

Not long ago I heard a lady saying she was doing a cleanse. That sounded like it could be nice. You feel better after cleaning yourself on the outside. It would probably feel even better after cleaning your body on the inside. So I googled how to do it. It’s not nearly as nice as it sounds.

So I’m sitting here in the middle of the night with my stomach bubbling and churning, while getting a short break between rushes to the bathroom. All I can think is why would anyone do this to themselves voluntarily? But since I have to do it, I’m going to call it something nice.

I’m doing a cleanse.

On another topic, I try hard to check out the blogs of everyone who reads mine. Most of them are so good that I follow them. But now in over my head. I’m following so many (plus trying to read the new ones) that I can’t keep up. So I wanted to take a moment to apologise. If I haven’t made it to your blog in the last few days, I will soon. I’m trying. There’s a lot of really good writing out there! That said, I also want to thank those of you who read Finding Life Through Pain. It truly means a lot to me. Thank you!

Until next time…

Acceptance or Courage?

Hello dear reader.

I’m sure most of you have heard the Serenity Prayer. It’s said at AA/NA/Al-Anon meetings, but I think it has value for everyone. It goes like this:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I’m trying hard to find that wisdom right now.

As I’ve told you previously, I’ve found a combination of meds that has made me feel better than I have in years. I also told you that they’re taking it away from me. I have a little over a week and a half left before they’re sending me back to hell.

I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me more times than I can count, but this is different. Before I started taking this, I thought the unending pain, exhaustion, and misery was just the way it was and that was that. I had accepted what I couldn’t change.

In the last few weeks I’ve discovered that the parts of me I thought were gone still exist. I’ve felt like me for the first time in… I can’t remember how long. Now that I know it still exists, I don’t want to give it up.

I’ve been doing my best since I found out they were talking it away from me to just enjoy this time I have. I don’t want to waste it being upset because it’s temporary. But I’ve really struggled with that today for some reason.

I’m frustrated. I’m angry. I’m sad. And, to be perfectly honest, I’m scared.

This choice is being made by Medicade, not by me or by my doctor. So is this something I need to find the courage to change or that I need to just accept? Is courage enough to change it?

I’m sorry this post isn’t uplifting or inspiring. But this post is where I am today. I warned you at the beginning that this journey wouldn’t always be pretty. Thanks for being here even when it’s not.

Until next time…

The Strength of a Woman

Hello dear reader.

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I found this poem on Meraki Forever and had to share it with you. It blew me away! I had planned to write about the strength of women, so this was perfect. While you’re there, check out some of his other poems. He’s very talented.

The thing that got me thinking about it was that Tim and I went to the shooting range today so I could get used to the gun he bought me. It’s been 30+ years since I shot a gun, and it was a little 22. This one’s a 45. I did better than I expected to.

Those are all mine.

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Thank goodness Tim had some very good ear protection for me to wear. That gun is loud!

I started to think about how far I’ve come. I spent a lot of my life feeling weak and helpless. I let people walk all over me. My self-worth was completely tied up with what other people thought.

My body is weak because of the illnesses I deal with, but I’m stronger on the inside than I’ve ever been. I know who I am. Of course it’s nice when I can make others happy, but I don’t need that to feel good about myself.

I know this is a different direction than my posts usually go, but it’s where my head is today. And you, dear reader, get to go with me.

I honestly don’t know how much of the changes are about age, or experience, or just about growth. It’s probably all of the above. I didn’t learn who Lynnette was until I was in my 40’s. I knew who I was as a mother, a wife, a daughter, but not who I was as an individual. When I took the time to finally do that I was surprised to learn that I was a lot stronger than I thought. My confidence climbed. My only regret is that I didn’t take the time to learn that earlier. I know I’d have been a better example to my children if I had.

I feel like I’m starting to ramble here, so I’m going to stop with a question… Have you taken the time to get to know yourself? What did you discover?

Until next time…

The Woman Before You

Hello dear reader.

As you know, I love to read. This is the second book review I’ve posted and there will be more to come.

This book grabbed me at the beginning and didn’t let go until the very end.

Isabelle is an aspiring actress who works in a mattress store. She’s unfulfilled and bored with her life. Everything changes when she meets Matthew, the man of her dreams. They have an exciting and passionate relationship. But who is Matthew really? Does he have ulterior motives? Can she continue her relationship with him without losing her identity?

I enjoyed the way the story was formatted, going back and forth between Isabelle’s point of view and Matthew’s. The twists and turns just kept coming, leading to the biggest surprise of all at the end.
This is one you don’t want to miss! It will be available April 27, 2018. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.

I was given an advance copy of The Woman Before You in exchange for an honest review.

Hope

Hello dear reader.

I have really good news and I have bad news. Which should I talk about first? Let’s start with the good news.

In the last two weeks I’ve only had one day I was stuck in bed. It’s incredible! The pain is there, of course, but my doctor and I have finally found a combination of meds that keep it at a level I can push through. I feel younger, more energetic, and extremely happy.

Now the bad news. Medicaid and Medicare are taking me off these meds. I have just over two more weeks on them. They’ve even decided what I have to take instead. It’s something I’ve taken before and it didn’t work for me.

This isn’t necessarily all bad. There’s a possibility (a tiny one) that the stuff they want me to take could be effective. There’s also a chance that if I take the new stuff and it doesn’t help me, they may let me go back to what I’m taking now.

So that’s the situation. I’ve felt better in the last couple of weeks than I have in an extremely long time, and I have two more weeks to go before it’s taken away. I can’t begin to express how thankful I am for this time. I’ve spent many hours praying for just a break from the agony I’m usually in. My prayers were answered. I’ve gotten a chance to remember what I’m fighting for, why I keep hanging on when I it seems so pointless. I discovered that Lynnette is still in there. That may sound strange to some of you, but when I’ve been stuck in bed unable to move my head for weeks, and even months at a time, the pain and depression seem to be all that I am. The part that’s me gets buried so deeply that I can’t find it any more.

This brings me to something else I feel it’s important for me to address. During the periods I’ve existed in hell I’ve wanted badly to end it. I couldn’t see any way for the agony to stop besides death. I’ve spent a lot of time wishing for death and thinking about suicide. I’ve felt like I was already dead and just waiting for my body to catch up. I know a lot of people who deal with horrific pain constantly feel the same way. But the break I’ve had these last couple weeks has given me hope and that’s something I haven’t had in… I can’t remember how long. I’m telling you this because I want to give you hope as well. It’s possible! Things can change! If I had ended things then, I would never have had this experience. Even knowing it’s probably temporary, it’s totally worth it.

The biggest surprise of the last couple weeks has been discovering that I’m still here. The pain, isolation, depression and darkness didn’t destroy me after all.

Until next time…

Jar of Hearts

Hello dear reader.

Every now and then I read a book that just blows me away. This is one:

I just finished reading a book called Jar of Hearts by Jennifer Hillier.

Jar of Hearts grabbed me from the first page and didn’t let go.
It’s a psychological thriller filled with twists and turns and nothing is quite what it seems. It’s also, in its own way, a love story.
Jennifer Hiller did a wonderful job making me care about the characters, all of which have their own flaws.
Geo falls in love, as only a teenager can, with an older boy named Calvin. Soon she’s in way over her head. She makes bad choices in some situations and has no choice in others. She puts Calvin and the past in the rearview mirror and becomes quite a successful woman. But the past never really goes away. I really enjoyed the way the story went back and forth between the past and present.
The ending was not what I expected at all, but that’s a good thing.
I wasn’t able to read this in one sitting (life got in the way) but found myself constantly thinking about it and wanting to get back to it.
I received an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review through netgalley.com.

Jar of Hearts is due to be released on June 12, 2018. Don’t miss it!

Until next time…